It started with crying elephant tears in bed. The kind of tears that you can hardly breathe through. Instead of taking in air, I was basically yelping. It was not my finest moment.
Those kind of tears don’t happen very often. But when they do, you can bet it’s because something really heart-breaking is going on with me.
I. Have. No. Friends.
The words could hardly come out amid the yelping, panting, sobbing mess I had become.
This is how my year of no excuses started. My own year of yes (even before Shonda Rhimes’ book came out).
I pretence this story with a word of caution. I believe it is important it is to say no. Because we all have to say no at one point or another. If you’re an economics person, you know this as opportunity cost. If you’re a regular human, you know you have to say no because there’s only 24 hours in a day.
This isn’t a story to encourage you to become a type-A workaholic. Or a people-pleaser.
This is about saying yes to YOU. Saying yes to your dreams. Saying yes to what you want.
So back to me being a yelping, sobbing mess.
I had left all my friends and family behind and moved to Northern Alberta about a year and a half before. I had found a pretty awesome job. I was crazy-in-love with the man I had moved to be with. We had recently bought our first house together and it was a dream house. We had an incredible 15 friends come help us move which is incredible on it’s own. Things were good. Things were great even!
But this particular Friday night, I laid in bed crying. Troy was working early the next morning so around 9pm, we headed to bed. (I know, I’m a wild woman). As we lay there, snuggling, I suddenly found myself very unhappy. I told Troy I had no friends. I was lost. I missed home. I wanted to move home. Did I? I don’t know. I was confused. All I knew was that I was lonely.
At the same time I was texting. Modern attention deficit problems - exhibit A.
Through the tears, the words, me telling him how miserable I was, I was texting.
At one point, he asked me who I was texting. I told him I was texting Danielle. My friend Danielle.
He asked “what’s she texting you about?”
“She’s heading to a patio for drinks and wants me too join.”
It wasn’t long after those words came out of my mouth that I realized my own fallacy. Yet I can always count on Troy to bring it up.
“Wait a minute… you’re laying in bed crying that you have no friends? And at the same time, you are texting your friends and telling them you don’t want to hang out?
Lisa this is insane.
Yup. It was. It made zero sense. And yet it was the jolt that I needed.
From that moment, I committed to stop using excuses. The excuse of being too tired on a Friday night. The excuse of not being interested in a particular hobby or activity. The excuse that I wanted to spend more time with Troy. Because while they may have been true, they weren’t going to get me any closer to what I wanted.
If I wanted friends (and I really, really did), I was going to have to let go of the excuses and just say yes!
So for the next year, I committed to saying yes every time someone asked me to hang out. I said yes and just went for it. I didn’t have to love everything I went to or tried. I didn’t have to be best friends with everyone I met. Heck, I could even try to be home by 9pm if I really wanted. BUT I was going to try and that made all the difference.
When I stopped making excuses, I had unbelievable experiences.
I joined a Couch to 5km group and started running.
I made some awesome friends of friends that became my friends.
I volunteered and helped grow my community.
I traveled to Iceland with 20 friends, 2 weeks before our wedding.
I found my people. I built incredible, lifelong friendships.
Because I said yes.
I said yes to my dreams. My hopes. My desire for friendships.
I said no to being too tired. To making excuses. To feeling sorry for myself.
I said no to having a pity party. I said yes to (a whole lot of) real parties.
Now it’s your turn.
What are you saying no to that you should be saying yes to?
What dream are you letting hide behind your fears? What do you deeply desire that you are not getting in your life because you are saying no to it? Where are you stuck in your life because your excuses are taking over?
Say yes to hanging out with someone you don’t know.
Say yes to that project at work that excites you (even if you don’t know exactly how to do every step).
Say yes to booking that trip you’ve been dying to.
Say yes to going to that yoga class at the new studio.
Say yes to starting a blog.
Say yes to applying for a new job because you hate the one you’re in.
Say yes to starting that business.
Say yes to taking a night course because you know it’d bring joy to you.
Say yes to getting a babysitter and having date night. Every Friday. Every month. Whatever you need.
And say YES to continuing to say YES.
Commit to saying yes to making friends and being in great company.
Yes to doing work that excites and engages you.
Yes to visiting the places of your dreams.
Yes to a healthy body.
Yes to stretching and challenging your mind.
Yes to nurturing love in your life.
I can’t wait to hear about what you say YES to!
Lisa
PS. If you’ve been debating saying yes to coaching, it’s time to shed that fear too. It’s up to you to say yes and contact me for a free discovery session. There’s no pressure. No sales. This is about us chatting to see if we connect and if we can make your dreams come true together. If you’re reading this and have a nagging feeling that I’m talking to you, I probably am. What do you have to lose? (Hopefully my story has taught you – nothing). Who knows – it could be the call that changes your life like my “yes” did!